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Choose a Girl

Now, we’re not saying you need to dive headfirst into BDSM. And honestly, these labels can feel reductive and cheesy sometimes. But the kink community has done a fantastic job of building a helpful sandbox for playing with storytelling through sex that’s super useful groundwork for dirty talk. It could even help bridge that libido gap, Horn says. In the era of social-distancing, words have become one of our best replacements for physical intimacy.

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“It feels so good when you X my Y,” is easy, dirty, and hot. In this same vein, having sex with someone is one of the few times it’s totally acceptable to comment on their body (in a positive, loving way!). Think, “Your tits are perfect, I want to ____ them,” or “You look so hot when you ____.” Dirty talk doesn’t need to be exclusively crass; it can be affectionate too. Horn suggests starting with discovering your own personal sexual persona or personas. In the kink community, there’s a laundry list of labels and even tests you can take to get an idea of common archetypes, power dynamics, and fantasies you might want to play around with through dirty talk.

Engage the five senses

The next time you want to make her yours in the bedroom, try a few of these. If you’re not together, take the opportunity to text her something very dirty. Not only will you make her feel horny while away from you, it’ll also increase the anticipation for a great time later. To take things to the next level, individuals could also experiment with power dynamic play.

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• Remember last night when we [insert sexual activity]?
• You can start off by trying a few slightly dirty things and then work your way up to your preferred amount of filth.
• The next “level”( so to speak) of dirty talk is foreplay.
• You can also ease into it by writing them suggestive text messages or dirty love notes that you can slip into their pocket or bag for them to discover later on.

Here’s some inspiration for dirty things to say to your partner to keep sexual energy flowing in your relationship. Let dirty talk elevate your sexual experience, not hinder it. The sooner you disregard the pressure you put on yourself, the easier exploring the sexual experience will be. Your sexual persona might not be a version of yourself you’ve ever tapped into before and can change depending on your partner, situation, or mood.

These factors are individualist talk and mutualistic talk. Individual talk is a higher order of erotic talk themes that correlate more so to individual satisfaction, while mutualistic talk correlates more so to mutual satisfaction, namely a sexual partner’s satisfaction. One way to engage in foreplay dirty talk is to play “Choose Your Adventure.” This is when you get to ask questions! Ask your spouse what they would like or what they would be open to. Start with a scenario and ask them what they would do next. Knowing how to talk dirty during sex isn’t easy, but with this guide and a little practice, anyone can become a pro.

“Give your partner some examples of what you’d like to say or to hear, and perhaps even at what point you’d like that to happen during sex,” says Buehler. A little nervous laughter is fine, but sometimes, you might say something that triggers your partner. They might not have the language to tell you why it bothered them in the moment, but if you get the sense that you pushed things too far, definitely talk about it later. If you’re a newbie Lowrie advises thinking of it like flirting and foreplay. “You might tell them something you’d like them to do to you or that you’d like to do with them,” Lowrie advises.

You might also try listening with your partner to the storytelling erotica app Dipsea or any number of other audio erotica apps. This type of dirty talk entails stepping into your own mini movie and directing the action, aka telling someone else or yourself exactly what to do. “Directing can sound like, ‘Take your pants off,’ or ‘Turn around and turn over,’” says Dr. Tara. And in this context, the commands can come across as an arousing kind of dominance.

Then, those feelings will carry over into your sex life. The whole purpose of dirty talk is to create longing, sexual tension and arousal. If you want to skip straight to the 85 dirty talk phrases, feel free, but if you first want to know why you need to talk dirty to him, just keep scrolling along. Dirty talk is pretty intimidating when you’re worried about how you might sound or if your partner is going to laugh. This is another safe way to see if both of you enjoy dirty talking together. Tell her everything you’re going to do to her about five to ten seconds before you actually do it.

• ’ or ‘What would you do if I stroked you like this?
• If you’re comfortable with it, touch yourself as you dirty talk and describe every touch to your partner.
• There’s much less space in your brain to obsess over the lighting or your overflowing email inbox when you’ve got someone filling up your ear with sexy whispers.
• Both men and women reported high levels of enjoyment for mutualistic talk (higher than individualistic talk).

“Basically you want to negotiate dirty talk ahead of time just like you’d negotiate any other sex,” she says. All you need is a little confidence, a willing partner (or two!), and this dirty talk guide. Whether you’re having phone sex for the first time or you’re in a long-distance relationship, here are some dirty things to say when you’re virtually connecting with someone. Pair with a long-distance sex toy to really up the ante (might we suggest the We-Vibe Sync?). “Remember that words we hate in a non-sexual context take on a whole different meaning and feeling in sexual relationships,” says Horn. “Part of the thrill is using sort of edgy, boundary-pushing epithets that we can reclaim through sex.”

But, as The Idol so skin-crawlingly illustrates, busting out these kinds of lines without warning can be at best intimidating and at worst degrading (and not in a sexy way). Your partner is having sex with you—borrowing phrases from some stranger on the internet can feel impersonal or affected, or even, let’s face it, cringey for both parties. To my great feminist relief, the show was universally lambasted by professional critics and internet trolls alike—it was the worst-reviewed show in HBO’s history. I mean, talking dirty is vulnerable, and I feared that seeing professionally hot people fail so miserably and publicly at it might be enough to silence a whole generation. I decided to phone a friend—actually, two of them—for advice on how to vocalize your desire without feeling like a rat-tailed club owner/cult leader on HBO.